Not So Fast!

Na wa o for allof una o. So, persin no fit sing a popular Kiddies tv show theme song again? Na waya! People, una too dey funny, na una biko!

How did it all start? Well, my neice came to mine at the weekend and during her stay, the little missie basically hijacked the remote control leaving me to either join in the fun of watching Spongebob Squarepants, Mr. Bean, Fairy God Parents etc or just go to bed and hug my book or betterstill, have a good sulk which frankly, she could care less. For those of you who have had an appetizer on my 5 year old neice, you will know what i'm yarning but for those of you who are yet to meet this enigmatic though small very clever diva; please feel free to peruse my older post and you might just come across this delectable young diva in my September or November 2006 issue. She is something!

Okay, this little madam wakes up in the morning, feels right at home in my kitchen and helps herself to my Best of Both Hovis bread, pops it in the toaster and on checking the fridge finds that her aunty only has boring marmalde and butter, she stumps to my bedroom and wakes me from a beautiful dream where me and my childhood lover are chasing each other round the beautiful Rotary garden in Maryland or is it Obanikoro. The next thing I hear is - "you don't have peanut butter" and with me trying to figure out what that voice is doing in my dream, someone pulls the curtains open to allow the light in. Now, if you know me well, then you know that if anything will wake me, the light of day would be it. At this stage, i'm cursing under my breath and wonder why I agreed to have her for the weekend. That's my long saturday sleep RUINED!!!

Without brushing my teeth or having a shower, I find a pair of jeans and my Afrobeat Fela T shirt to cover my funk. Tie a head scarf looking like the bonafide 'alatika' chic I am and head out with my barbie claded from head to toe niece. Where are we off to? To Sainsburys! We're going to get the peanut butter for little miss buttercup or else she'll throw a tantrum and you know we don't want that. So, after the First Lady has finished picking her BBQ flavour Walkers crisp and her Strawberry drink not forgeting her Muller's yoghurt and a drumstick lollypop we head to the cash till and she asks if I got the Peanut Butter - the cheek of her! I thought that is what we came here for in the first place before she decides to raid the whole shop! So, I get to the till and pay for the peanut butter and ask for her stuff so I can pay as well. Guess what she tells me? "I'm paying for my thing". I said, "very well then" and this Missy brings out a tiny but cute furry purse i'm sure she must have got from her Macdonalds Happy Meal. Now, i'm intrigued. Does she really have £3.49? I know she's clever and can count but I know her mum doesn't allow her more than 2pence. Her mum is too much of an Ijebu to give her 5p anyway. So, this darling confidently dips her tiny fingers into her purse and produces guess what...? Two copper coins. With all her shakara, the madam only has 2pence o. The cashier and the other shoppers just bursted out laughing. I rescued her eventually sha but she'll be paying later. Yes, I have my ways of making her pay.

Anyway, the gist of my story is that my last post was me basically singing back my nieces favourite tv show's theme song. THE BEAR IN THE BIG BLUE HOUSE. And the song goes thus:

Good Bye, good bye
Good friends goodbye
For tomorrow is...(i dont know this bit)
The Bear, The Moon and the Big blue house
Will be waiting for you to come and play, to come and play
Bye for now...

See, it's not my fault. The song has been stuck on repeat in my head and I had to find a release which is why I randomly posted that song.

Ayam sorry o, efrybodi. Ayam going no where soon o. You're stuck with me for a bit longer, yes, a very long bit!

Farewell! Goodbye!! Adios!!!

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye my friends
For today is time to go...
The Sun, the Moon and the big blue blog...
will be waiting for you to come and play
To come and play

Bye for now...

Busted!

So my padi fished me out - out of this massive, humongous world wide web, my padi man found me, thanks to one of my rant on Queenb's blog. Yes!

I jejely logged on to my darling internet this morning only to be greeted with an offline message from my padi man with an attachment of my blog link. I was like, oh my gawd! Bobo yi ti wa mi ri meenn...but sha o, I will deny it to the last. Yes! i'm not the only Desola in the world now? I mean sometimes, i do make myself chuckle at my silliness. Here is a blog that is widely accessible to any Emeka, Iyabo and Danladi and yet, I marvel at friends discovery of my blog...hahaha...it's not exactly a 'Sherlock Holmes' job is it? I'm sure my 6 year old neice paapa would have no troubles locating my mansion in blogville but still, I feign ignorance or is it just me having my ever so regular blond moments?

Anyhoo, the not so secret -secret is scattered in the open now o 'pepper-pepper-scatter-scatter, isu ata yana-yana'. He has found my blog, now how many more will? Let's wait and see, shall we?

By the way you might wanna check out his blog for beautiful pictures he took of his voyage (hehehe...I know it wasn't over water, but I liked the sound of that word better) here. Lagos is indeed beautiful. And yes, there are some juicy pictures of a traditional wedding he graced as the best man (poor groom, out of all bobo wey dey around, na Busanga the original 'Waffi' guy e carry do Best Man...hehehe...)

If you're not one of the faint hearted, you might also want to see his eye witness pictures of the petrol pipe blast that occured in Lagos in the not too distant past. My stomach is still churning from seeing the images so please do not click on this link if you are like I said earlier, faint hearted.

Oh yes, I had to nick this from his blog too; absolutely hilarious. I did think it wasn't exactly proper to nick from a friend but then again; I thought, what the heck! When did I ever listen to the other conscience, anyway. So, my people, here goes...

Oh no! Sorry, I can't copy the link. Nonsense! Ijebu man! That bobo too tight sha! Anyway, please click here to watch abi na listen to the audio. HI-LA-RI-OUS!!!!

Single people dem don suffer!

By the way, here's wishing you a fab weekend. Till I come your way again, it's TOODLES, from me.

My 2mins Madness!

I just can't be assed to blog anymore! How do people do it? How? I say how o...tell me how!

I'm going on a hiatus, maybe for a day? Half a day? Half a month? A month? A year? I don't know o but I know I am. I can't be assed! I am tired.

I wanna go home. I wanna eat. I wanna snog. I wanna speak to a blogger I a huge crush on and no it's not Babalaye (virtually every girl in blogsville has a crush on him). I wanna call Temmy. I wanna meet Queenbee. I wanna go to Naija. I wanna go to Yankee. I wanna...i don't know.

I wanna see Bunmi, I don't wanna see Bunmi. i wanna tell my colleague a piece of my mind. I wanna meet Naijabrains. I wanna...i don't know.

I can't be bothered to spell check. I can't be assed to peruse blogs.

I wanna bog off!

I Say I'm Hungry, You Say Make I Chop Financial Times...??

I'm farmished. Didn't go to lunch today as I had my head buried in some bloody accounts trying to make sense of why a company so big will make so much loss! Anyway, so i've been on the internet for the past hour or so and out of no where came this rumbling; i mean, loud rumbles. It's my stomach! I'm hungry! I look up to catch a glimpse of the time and yes, it's 15:15pm! Damn! I better go round to Benjy's and get me a ciabatta toastie with chicken and mushroom or whatever it is the concoct in the ciabatta.

I look up and ask my colleague if there was any Benjy's close by and just then my boss walked past.

Boss lady: What! Didn't you hear that Benjy's went into liquidation?
Me: No
Boss Lady: Where have you been for 10 days? It was in the papers. Have you been reading your papers?
Me: Yes...
Boss Lady: Well then, you should know that Benjy's is in Administration. So much for being in Finanacial Services! I didn't see you touch your financial times last week either. How do you keep up on your clients activities if you don't read this papers?

Omo,see me see wahala! Na sandwich I wan chop o, na third degree I get. No be her fault, if to say i get strength, I for retort, but not today. All that she was yarning was just going in and coming out the other end as I was just thinking..."chei! so, I won't be eating that Ciabatta anymore, o ma se o".

The Breathalyzer...

Ethel loved to speed in her wheelchair and charge around the nursing
home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on
the long corridors.


Because the poor woman was a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic, the
other residents tolerated her, and some of the male residents actually
joined in her games.



One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and
Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "Stop", he
shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a licence for that thing?"



Ethel fished in her handbag, and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held
it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.



As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold
popped out in front of her and shouted "Stop, have you got proof of
insurance?"



Ethel dug deep in her handbag and produced a drink coaster and held it
up to him. Harold nodded and said "Carry on, ma'am".



As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy Craig
stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding a very sizeable
erection in his hand.



"Good grief", said Ethel, "Not the breathalyzer again".

What Women Mean...

1. FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a
woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome.

8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong??" For the woman's response refer to # 3.


A recent scientific study found that women find different male face attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside!!

Yay! DG Tagged me!

Three things I do not want to experience:
1. Drowning
2. War
3. Not achieving my goals

Three people who make me laugh:
1. My Ex - Tayo
2. My Mum
3. Nigerian comedians

Three things I love:
1. Handbags
2. Love -Real Love
3. Surprises - Romantic surprises

Three things I hate:
1. Snakes
2. Cardboards and Metals rubbing against each other
3. Selfishness

Three things I don’t understand:
1. The ways of God.
2. Men's nature
3. The solar system

Three things on my desk:
1. My Mobile
2. Files
3. Calculator

Three things I’m doing right now:
1. Thinking what the fuss about Valentine is
2. Thinking how hard this tag is
3. Longing for my sofa

Three things I want to do before I die:
1. Become a Millionare
2. Become a politician
3. Be part of the driving force to lift Africa out of poverty
4. Become a talk show host
5. See the Grand Canyon
6. Totally submit to God and do ALL his will

Three things I can do:
1. Motivate people
2. Be blunt and not pussy foot around issues
3. I can find solution to problems

Three things you should listen to:
1. God's call to get closer to him.
2. A nagging advise to get a personal financial consultant (No, i'm not in debt)
3. My car and get it down to the Mechie asap.

Three things you should never listen to:
1. Tayo!
2. fuckwitts who say i'm too independent.
3. Pessimism

Three things I’d like to learn:
1. To be patient
2. To become bi/multilingual and speak French & Spanish
3. To not be so bloody blunt!

Three beverages I drink regularly:
1. Toffee nut Latte
2. Peppermint tea
3. Water

Three TV shows I watched on NTA as a kid:
1. Tales By Moonlight
2. New Masquerade
3. Behind the clouds
4. Second Chance
5. Village Headmaster
6. Feyikogbon
7. Papiluwe

Three Books I read as a kid:
1. Ifeanyi...
2. Mills & Boon
3. Pacesetters
4. The Famous Five (I hated it but mum made me read them)

You Are 55% Peaceful

In general, you think the world's a pretty great place - and you're happy to be a part of it.Sometimes you struggle with life, but who doesn't? You are quite level headed, though you have more inner angst than you'd like.

How Peaceful Are You?

Your Love Type: INTJ

The Scientist In love, you tend to be very private and withdrawn - even when things are going well.For you, sex is important in a happy relationship. Less important when things aren't going well. Overall, you are confident, intelligent, and serious about commitment.However, you tend to hold back and not show your emotions. Best matches: ENFP and ENTP

What's" Your Love Type?

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things.Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life.You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon.Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall.You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults.Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion.A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

You Are 60% Intuitive

Your intuition is often right, and you use it more than you may realize.Your gut feelings are usually a good guide, but you need more to go on when making a decision.You'll often check to see if the facts back up your feelings.And when your intuition is wrong, you work to improve it for the future.

How Intuitive Are You?

Your Seduction Style: The Coquette

You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get. Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you. Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you compelte. And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

You Have A Type A Personality

You are hyper, energetic, and always on the moodYou tend to succeed at everything you attemptAnd if you don't succeed at first, you quickly climb your way to the top! You could be called a workaholic, but you also make time for funAs long as it's high energy and competitive, you're interestedYou have the perfect personality for business and atheltic success

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

Your Chances of Being a Multimillionaire: 64%

You have a good chance of being a multimillionaire. Better than most people.You simply have a natural knack for money and the personality for success.

Will You Be a Multimillionaire?

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner.Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare.You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie.Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you.For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

What's" Your Love Style?

Your Values Profile

Loyalty: You value loyalty a fair amount.You're loyal to your friends... to a point.But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties.Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself. Honesty: You value honesty highly.You're unflinchingly honest, even when it's not easy.For you, integrity is very important - in yourself and others.People may not always like what you say, but they know they can trust it. Generosity: You don't really value generosity.Your needs always come first, no matter what.And you'll possibly help someone else out...But only if it helps you in return. Humility: You value humility a fair amount.You tend to be an easy going, humble person.But occasionally your ego takes over.You have a slight competitive streak - and the need to be the best. Tolerance: You value tolerance a fair amount.You are open to new cultures, beliefs, and ideas.You have very few prejudices that you're aware of.And while you are tolerant, you do stand true to what you believe.

The Five Factor Values Test

Nigeria Jaga-Jaga, Everything Scatter, Scatter!

I'm sad, so sad. This is such a disgrace! Super Eagles, una no do well o. Una no do well at all! 4-1, can you imagine that? Ghanaians humiliated us big time!

I was never a lover of football, never! However, this changed in 1994 or so. We went to the Nations cup then with our all time best squad. You know, the likes of Amokachi, Oliseh, Yekini, Siasia, Amunike, Okocha, Ogun-efon; sorry, Eguavon and our dear Rufai. These boys impressed! It was so good that my mum got us to fast for the Super Eagles then. Come and see prayer; name it. Is it Celestial one or Kerubu and Serafu one? We prayed the Apostolic prayer gan and not forgeting the penticostal and Four-square ones. My uncle - uncle Isiaq would come to our house and as we prayed in Jesus name, he counted his rosaries (or is it tesbiu). Ha! Football bought everyone together then. Both Igbo, Yoruba, Hausa, Ibibio, Efik, Kanuri,Ijaw and so on and so forth o. We were one Nigeria. That is what soccer is meant to be; bring a Nation together, making them forget their tribal or religious tiffs.

Come and see the streets of Lagos when we won the nations cup, I say come and see. The whole state was agog! Yes o, Super Eagles are bringing the trophy home. The meat on our rice was exceptionally bigger for that week. Yes ke, we were celebrating. Just when we thought it couldn't get any better than that, our Super Eagles had to go and qualify for the world cup. Yes o, you read me right. We went in with full force. We topped our group; i think. But sha, 2mins to the referee blowing the whistle to signal the end of the match and declaring our qualification into the quater final; Agbonibaske, sorry, Agbonibare had to slack and let that ponytailer called Roberto Baggio score. I was devastated but still was very proud of my team.

Shey you will think okay o, that's the best we can do abi? Nope. Our boys are better than that. They went to the Olympics in 1996 and brought us the cup. I remember dashing out into the cold winter weather then shouting "oshe, ose o, o se o, o se baba", forgeting for a split moment that I was no longer in Naija. This is Igilandi o, but sha, i showed my true colour. Proud Naija chick!

Anyway sha, those silly boys have disappointed me and let those Charly people laugh at me yesterday. You should have seen how much I bragged that we were going to whip them o. I said we are the giant of African football, but what did those boys go and do to me? Please, don't get me started.

I am going into mourning. I am mourning o, my people. Infact, i have called work to let them know I won't be coming in for the next two weeks. I have to remain indoors for the fear of bumping into my Ghanaian neighbour. The yeye boy has been calling me since yesterday to gloat. Wo, if I see him, he better not say anything o, otherwise, I will just bite him!

As We Were Saying...

Ok...so I tantalized you a bit. He didn't say anything out of place on the night; infact, it was a 'perfect' night. Everything went well and we had a good laugh. I actually didn't want the night to end; but I had to be at work the following day and so did he.

Like I said, dinner was great and we headed home afterwards. No, I mean, he dropped me off at home. Still, I didn't ask him to come in for a cuppa or coffee.....like that is sooooo... western and you know i'm a hardcore Naija chick. He would only get an invite to come in if he was dying for a piss; which thankfully, he wasn't. As he pulled the car to a stop at my house, a feeling of sadness dawned upon me and I felt sorry that the night had to end. It was time for goodbyes. He thanked me for making our date such memorable and how he adored me so much and would most definitely like to do this again. If I was white, I would have blusehed but I kept it together. I tell you, sometimes, I wonder if i'm really living my life. I felt like I was in a movie and seemed to say words only actresses would say. I was so calm and together and said virtually all the right things. I know I was almost making him pee on himself. Yeah, i got it bad like that. I would look straight into his eyes; make him hold my gaze for a bit and all whilst I talk. Damn! If I wasn't me, i'd love me so much! Hahahaha...

We hugged and he gave me a kiss on my cheek. I reciprocated. I paused for a while, hoping that he would grab me and plant a full on french kiss on my lips but I guess bobo sensed it. He teased the heck outta me! No one does that to Dessy! He said goodnight. I alighted and gosh! My feet felt so light on the ground. I wasn't sure if I was walking in air or in space. I couldn't feel my feet. Yup! Bobo got me bad like that!

I got inside and all I could think of was that moment in the car. The Magic moment; I call it. I was undressing quickly so I could hit the bed and have a beautiful sleep when my phone went off. I looked at my watch and it was nearly 12:00am. Who on God's earth would be calling me at this time; I wondered.

Bunmi: Hello! Iya!
Me: Oh no! Bunmi, do you know what time it is?
Bunmi: Of course! I've been calling you since 11:00, you said you'd be back by then
Me: Well, it turned out to be a good night so, I guess we lost track of time.
Bunmi: Oya, oya, ki lo sele (what happened?)
Me: To what?
Bunmi: Ehn - Ehn, you're witholding gist now, abi? If it was someone else's gist, you will stretch your neck like giraffe o. Okay. Anyway, i'm not hanging up until you give me a blow by blow account.
Me: Then, you'll have to wait till eternity because tonight, I'm getting my beauty sleep.
Bunmi: If you hang up ehn, don't ever speak to me again o
Me: Started serenading her with Tosin Martins' 'Olo mi'...
If anything will sweeten Bunmi up, it's that song. She's a sucker for it big time! She started singing along in no time. Phew! Thank God.
Bunmi: Okay, but tell me all about it tomorrow o and don't make me ask either!
Me: Yes ma!

With that, I hung up. I don't know what it is with that girl and gists, it's like her life depends on it! Gosh! I'll give her the gist now and before long, she's pass it on to Shade who in turn tells Ola and it goes on...

***************************************************

The following morning, I had a call from Mr. Pro.

Yesterday was good! Thank You. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind coming over to mine for dinner next Friday. I will be having a few friends round and I would be more than honoured to be your chef for the night.

Sounds like a plan. Friday it is then!